Well it has been a long day and a long night. I do think that I am a complete jerk. stupid.fool also come to mind. Here is something I wrote to a special someone. Fictitious name of course.

Hey Man

Well I don't know where to begin or how to say this. But I hope in my heart you understand.I am going to pour my heart out right now this very second. I should propably start from the beginning. We have talked for ages. I will always remember our conversations and cam moments. They make me smile when I am down. It is almost like history. We had a bit of a falling out where we didn't talk very much, when we pretty much were going our own ways I suppose. But that didn't bother me because I thought it was still the same, the feeling inside. Then out of sadness I came home. We finally got to meet up that one night and hit those Tim Horton's and drove around North Bay. What you did that night was something that afterwards extremely hurt me. I am not pointing the finger because I understand why it was done. Part of me did like it on a certain level. After that I was highly questioning whether or not to see where things would go and go on another date. Well U and I both know that yes, I decided too. I was soo glad that I took that second chance to start over because that night was awesome. I must of been on could 9 or something because I had a great time. I have been trying to figure you out. There is something that I feel you are apprehensive about. I am apprehensive around you, because I dont know how to act around you. I want to show you me. I want you to know that you can come to me whenever. Trust is something that is not a fickle thing to be toyed with but comes with respect and honesty. I respect and believe you to be an honest person like myself. So scream at me, if it will make you feel better for something, then do it. I say to you JUST DO IT. Nothing should be bottled up inside. This last date tonite was very quick to say the least. The spot was beautifully breath taking, especially with you in it. I would say I enjoyed the scenery and your company. But there was still something bugging me the whole time. Something I can't explain, something only u know by feeling. It was too bad you couldn't get together later that night because I wanted to show you something. It was a shot in the face for me. I put alot of effort to get up to North Bay and see you. I do it because I like you. I wasn't getting the feeling like it was a mutual effort put forth into this tonite. So now I am going to say to u too do something random, out of the blue, not black and white, JUST DO IT. You work saturday and maybe even Sunday. So catch a bus saturday night after you work and come to Sundridge and their I will be waiting for you. Let me show you something that no one gets to see. My Life.. I've not even seen a glimpse of yours, dont think its unfair. I want to see, but with your parents its difficult. If u work sunday, I will make sure you get to work on time. I promise you. Give you my word, the word that means everything to me. It is funny what people will do for one another in this world. Give blood, give money, support one another and be their for someone when they feel hated by the world. Good night Man. Talk to you later.

So there you have it folks. I wore my heart on my sleeve and now its been snagged - and is pouring blood. Why am I so stupid. I love people more then I love myself. Nice guys always finish last. I feel for you man, but I saw right through your eyes and couldn't find compassion behind them. Yeah the furt eventually fades rite?. Every day is a new day, what can I say.
WOOT goes to Danielle, Kristin and Jen for being their. Love u WORLD!